The Causes and Treatment of Domestic Violence from an Islamic Perspective!
October is Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness Month. Domestic violence has effected all segments of society, all races, all nationalities and faith groups around the world; Muslims are victims as well! Of all faith groups Muslims are the only ones that should not be so overwhelmed by DV. However, due to lack of understanding of the root cause they are unable to deal with it properly. Muslims have joined Christians, Jews and and others in DV seminars and have resigned to discussing all the horrible results and all the surface symptoms without going to the root cause.
Like going to a doctor complaining of pain; many doctors treats the symptoms by prescribing
painkillers. The painkillers do lessen the pain but does absolutely nothing for the cause of the pain; so, the pain will return! Or it is like putting a two inch Band-Aid on a knife wound – the wound still hemorrhages!
At all Muslim programs on DV the discussion is almost the same as the interfaith programs. Most of the discussions are center around male abusers and female victims. The biggest difference with Muslim seminars is the discussions centers around the fact Muslim men should be kind to women and follow the way Prophet Muhammad (SAW) treated women. This is absolutely correct! However....!
How many abusers come to these seminars? If they did do anyone really believe that telling them to act like Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is going cause them to change! Will anyone there tell them why they are behaving this way? It should be noted that almost all abusers are sorry and regretful after their abuse – but they will do it again and again! Why?
Domestic violence is like all other violence, murder, assault, rape, oppression, verbal insult, etc. The only different is that DV is committed by a family member to a family member they claim to love. Why?
To deal effectively with DV one needs to understand the cause of violence! The root cause of all violence including DV is Shaitan.
Allah (SWT) said: "(O Iblis) get down from this (Paradise), it is not for you to be arrogant here. Get out, for you are of those humiliated and disgraced." (Iblis) said: "Allow me respite till the Day they are raised up (i.e. the Day of Resurrection)." (Allâh) said: "You are of those respited." (Iblis) said: "Because You have sent me astray, surely I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your Straight Path. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left, and You will not find most of them as thankful ones (i.e. they will not be dutiful to You)." (Allâh) said (to Iblis) "Get out from this (Paradise) disgraced and expelled. Whoever of them (mankind) will follow you, then surely I will fill Hell with you all." (Qur'an 7:13-18)
Here we find the reason for the violence done by man. Iblis, Shaitan, is extremely angry and pledged to lead man to the Hell Fire! By persuading man to commit violence against another person almost guarantees his entrance to the Hell Fire; which is what Shaitan wants!
Shaitan's first victims were our parents, Adam (AS) and Hawwa (Eve); they were deceived by him!
"And O Adam! Dwell you and your wife in Paradise, and eat thereof as you both wish, but approach not this tree otherwise you both will be of the Zalimun (unjust and wrong-doers)." Then Shaitan (Satan) whispered suggestions to them both in order to uncover that which was hidden from them of their private parts (before); he said: "Your Lord did not forbid you this tree save that you should become angels or become of the immortals." And he (Shaitan) swore by Allâh to them both (saying): "Verily, I am one of the sincere well-wishers for you both." So he misled them with deception. Then when they tasted of the tree, that which was hidden from them of their shame (private parts) became manifest to them and they began to cover themselves with the leaves of Paradise (in order to cover their shame). And their Lord called out to them (saying): "Did I not forbid you that tree and tell you: Verily, Shaitan is an open enemy unto you?" They said: "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers." (Qur'an 7:19-23)
The very first act of domestic violence was committed by Qabeel (Cain) when he killed his brother, Habeel (Abel)!
“And (O Muhammad SAW) recite to them (the Jews) the story of the two sons of Adam (Habeel and Qabeel — Abel and Cain)] in truth; when each offered a sacrifice (to Allâh), it was accepted from the one but not from the other. The latter said to the former: "I will surely kill you." The former said: "Verily, Allah accepts only from those who are Al-Muttaqûn (the pious)."If you do stretch your hand against me to kill me, I shall never stretch my hand against you to kill you, for I fear Allâh; the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinn, and all that exists).” (Qur'an 5:27-28)
Shaitan convinced Qabeel (Cain) to kill his brother Habeel (Abel).
Allah's (SWT) has warned us about Shaitan!
“O Children of Adam! Let not Shaitan (Satan) deceive you, as he got your parents [Adam and Hawwa (Eve)] out of Paradise, stripping them of their raiments, to show them their private parts. Verily, he and Qabîluhu (his soldiers from the jinn or his tribe) see you from where you cannot see them. Verily, We made the Shayatin (devils) Auliya' (protectors and helpers) for those who believe not.” (Qur'an 7:27)
“O mankind! Verily, the Promise of Allah is true. So let not this present life deceive you, and let not the chief deceiver (Shaitan) deceive you about Allah. Surely, Shaitan (Satan) is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy. He only invites his Hizb (followers) that they may become the dwellers of the blazing Fire.” (Qur'an 35 5-6)
“Verily, I will mislead them, and surely, I will arouse in them false desires; and certainly, I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allah." And whoever takes Shaitan (Satan) as a Wali (protector or helper) instead of Allâh, has surely suffered a manifest loss.” (Qur'an 4:119)
We, all, have been seduced and continue to be seduced by Shaitan and each one of us have been assigned our own personal shaitan that never leaves us.
Muslim recorded that Aisha narrated that one night the Prophet (SAW) left her room and she felt jealous. When he returned he saw her upset. He said to her, “Oh, Aisha, what has happened to you? Are you jealous?” She responded, “How could it be that a woman like myself would not be jealous with respect to a man like you?” He told her, “It was your shaitan that came to you.” She asked, “Oh, Messenger of Allah, is there a shaitan with me?” He said, “Yes.” She asked, “Is there a shaitan attached to everyone?” He said, “Yes.” She again asked, “Oh Messenger of Allah, even with you?” He answered, “Yes, but my Lord has aided me against him and, therefore, I am absolutely safe from his actions.”
It is recorded in Sahih Muslim and Musnad Ahmad that the (SAW) said, “There is none among you except that he has a partner entrusted to him from among the jinn.” The companions asked, “You too, Oh Messenger of Allah?” He responded, “Yes, but Allah aids me against him so I am safe from him and only orders me to do good.”
“And whosoever turns away blindly from the remembrance of the Most Gracious (Allâh) (i.e. this Qur'an and worship of Allah), We appoint for him Shaitan (Satan devil) to be a Qarin (a intimate companion) to him.” (Qur'an 43:36)
“And We have assigned them (devils) intimate companions (in this world), who have made fair-seeming to them,...” (Qur'an 41:25)
The root cause of domestic violence is Shaitan's whisperings to the heart of man. Violence is the key tool Shaitan uses to cause man that commit it to be lead to the Hell Fire. An incident of domestic violence has two victims not one. The greatest victim is the perpetrator! The he or she is the greatest victim because they have allow themselves to follow the whisperings of Shaitan and commit acts that will destine them to the Hell Fire!
The perpetrators of all violence have befriended Shaitan!
“And whosoever turns away blindly from the remembrance of the Most Gracious (Allâh) (i.e. this Qur'an and worship of Allâh), We appoint for him Shaitân (Satan devil) to be a Qarîn (a intimate companion) to him.” (Qur'an 43:36)
“Will you then take him (Iblîs) and his offspring as protectors and helpers rather than Me while they are enemies to you? What an evil is the exchange for the Zâlimûn (polytheists, and wrong-doers).”
(Qur'an 18:50)
“Allâh cursed him. And he [Shaitân (Satan)] said: "I will take an appointed portion of your slaves; (118)Verily, I will mislead them, and surely, I will arouse in them false desires; and certainly, I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allâh." And whoever takes Shaitân (Satan) as a Walî (protector or helper) instead of Allâh, has surely suffered a manifest loss.” (Qur'an 4:118-119)
“Allâh is the Walî (Protector or Guardian) of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into light. But as for those who disbelieve, their Auliyâ (supporters and helpers) are Tâghût [false deities and false leaders], they bring them out from light into darkness. Those are the dwellers of the Fire, and they will abide therein forever.” (Qur'an 2:257)
“Surely, Shaitân (Satan) is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy. He only invites his Hizb (followers) that they may become the dwellers of the blazing Fire.” (Qur'an 35:6)
The perpetrator of violence is a victim destined to the Hell Fire, because he/she choice to listen to the whisperings of Shaitan! By listening to Shaitan's whisperings he/she becomes a follower or friend of Shaitan. In DV the perpetrator or abuser is a victim because of being tricked into believing the sincere advise of Shaitan. Shaitan is extremely good at giving sincere advise that will lead to destruction of those that listen and act on it!
Verily, We made the Shayâtin (devils) Auliyâ' (protectors and helpers) for those who believe not. (Qur'an 7:27)
And indeed Iblîs (Satan) did prove true his thought about them, and they followed him, all except a group of true believers (in the Oneness of Allâh). (Qur'an 34:20)
You cannot reason with the perpetrator because he/she is listening to Shaitan. The abuser cannot just stop his/her abuse because they have become friends with Shaitan and they are overwhelmed by him!
Now that we have determined the root cause of violence and DV we can apply the proper medical treatment! There are different levels of treatments; just like drug addiction! The first level is prevention! The prevention of DV must start with the potential abusers or the abuser. As Muslims we would like to believe all Muslims are striving to qualify to enter Jannah. Every Muslim wanting to achieve the greatest success must not forget their goal! Shaitan is extremely good in getting us to forget!
“And indeed We made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We found on his part no firm will-power.” (Qur'an 20:115)
“He said:"Do you remember when we betook ourselves to the rock? I indeed forgot the fish, none but Shaitân (Satan) made me forget to remember it. It took its course into the sea in a strange (way)!” (Qur'an 18:63)
“And he said to the one whom he knew to be saved: "Mention me to your lord (i.e. your king, so as to get me out of the prison)." But Shaitân (Satan) made him forget to mention it to his Lord [or Satan made [(Yûsuf (Joseph)] to forget the remembrance of his Lord (Allâh) as to ask for His Help, instead of others]. So [Yûsuf (Joseph)] stayed in prison a few (more) years” (Qur'an 12:42)
“Shaitân (Satan) has overpowered them. So he has made them forget the remembrance of Allâh. They are the party of Shaitân (Satan). Verily, it is the party of Shaitân (Satan) that will be the losers!” (Qur'an 58:19)
Muslims have forgotten that Shaitan is their avowed enemy! Therefore, they do little to nothing in fighting him. When it comes to DV Shaitan is the furthest from the minds of the abuser, the victim and those counselors of the DV victims! Shaitan has made everyone forget!
As part of the prevention there must be pre-marriage counseling by the imam warning the future married couple that Shaitan will attack them because they are doing something that is for the pleasure of Allah (SWT). Allah (SWT) established the institution of marriage; therefore, any time a man and a woman gets married this angers Shaitan and he wants to destroy the marriage! He should advise them to establish a home environment that Allah (SWT) is remembered 60/60/24/7 or at least 24/7.
The second part of first level of prevention is to create a defense in the homes since that is where DV is committed. As Muslims we are blessed to have the greatest ability to prevent DV. The best defense is a great offense! Muslims can take the offense against Shaitan's negative whisperings by Dhikr (remembering) Allah (SWT) 66/66/24/7, i.e., to bring Allah (SWT) to mind every second of every minute of every hour of every day. By doing this we will not forget, insha'Allah. Each member of the family must worship Allah (SWT) at home in this manor. They should make all five daily salats, Fard and Sunnahs. They should perform extra salats, Duha and Tahajjud. They should Dhikr, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha illallah, Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah one hundred times each per day. By doing all the above and more Shaitan's whisperings will be nullified, insha'Allah! There will not be anywhere for DV to occur in the home! By doing these and other forms of Dhikr like reading the Qur'an regularly we will not forget but...if we forget!
Allah (SWT) has given us instruction as to what to do when we relies we have forgotten;
“...And remember your Lord when you forget ...” (Qur'an 18:24)
Along with Dhikr Allah each family member should always recite ayat Kursi (Qur'an 2:255) after every Fard salat. From time to time recite the entire Surah Al-Baqara (2nd surah) in the home. Each member of the family should do all the other items that are in the arsenal to fight Shaitan. SEE ATTACHMENT! If the abuser truly desires to enter Jannan then he/she will be one who does all of the above.
It was narrated that Abu Umamah Al-Bahili (RA) said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said; “Whoever recites Ayat al-Kursi immediately after each prescribed Prayer, there will be nothing standing between him and his entering Paradise except death.” [an-Nasa’l, Ibn Sunni, at-Tabarani, ibn Hibban - Sahih]
When you lie down in your bed, recite Ayat al-Kursi, and then you will have a protector from Allah and no shaitan will come near you until morning comes. [Saheed Bukhari]
It is narrated from Abu Hurairah (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said; “In Surat- al-Baqarah there is a verse which is the best of all the verses of Qur’an. It is never recited in a house but Shaitan leaves: Ayat al-Kursi.”
Abdullah bin Mas’ud (RA) narrates that a person said to the Prophet (SAW): “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), teach me something through which Allah (SWT) will give me benefit.” He said: “Continue reciting Ayatul Kursi. This will be a means of protection for you, your children and even those houses which are near your house.”
It is reported by at-Tabrani that the Prophet (SAW) said: “The one who recites Ayat al-Kursi after the conclusion of an obligatory prayer, he is under the care of Allah until the next prayer commences.” [at-Tabarani’s At Targheeb wat-Tarheeb (2:435)]
The second level of treatment is fighting back! Unfortunately, there are Muslim homes that DV is running rampant, husband abusing wife, wife abusing husband, husband and wife fighting each other, parents abusing children , children abusing parents, etc. Shaitan has set up home there and has settled in for a long stay. This can be stop! One member of the family must start doing all of the above. That one person then must get the others to do the same! Someone in the family must remind everyone the reason Allah (SWT) created them is to worship Him! This worship should be 60/60/24/7!
“And I (Allâh) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone).” (Qur'an 51:56)
When you start fighting back against Shaitan he will become very angry and come call in a army of his imps to get you back in line. Once you start to fight don't stop! SEE ATTACHMENT! Clean your home of Shaitan's influence!
Now lets deal with the victim of DV. Every victim has the same weapons to stop the attacks! What is stated here applies to any and all attacks of violence and DV. Remember Shaitan is the cause of all evil violent acts. First the potential victim should be one to Dhikr Allah (SWT) 60/60/24/7 if not then at least 24/7. To deal a with sudden violent attack she/he should recite out loud, ayat Kursi! Recite it over and over until the attacker stops! It does work; Allah (SWT) is the only One that can deal with Shaitan. By reciting ayat Kursi you are calling Allah (SWT) and Shaitan will run away, insha'Allah!
A wife at home alone and her husband has been abusive then should recite ayat Kursi out loud in her home just before he comes home. And do the same whenever she detects a violent event. A husband should do the same upon entering his home if his wife is the one who is abusive. Come in reciting ayat Kursi out loud. Don't shout just recite it out loud. Shaitan will run away – the potential DV as been prevented.
Now, if this does not work there is a more serious problem, the abuser is possessed. If a person is in the habit of Dhikr Allah (SWT) 60/60/24/7 they can excise the possessed person. However, if the person worships Allah (SWT) only 24/7 they should leave if reciting ayat Kursi does not work! This means the shaitan that has possessed the the person is very strong and doesn't fear them or anything they say or do. But a person who Dhikr 60/60/24/7 can deal with this without harm, insha'Allah. It is highly recommended that if reciting ayat Kursi does not work then the victim should leave and don't come back!
In shelters for women and children who have been victims of DV there should be a program to teach everyone there women and children all of the above! The shelter is home and all the members of the shelter are family and they all should Dhikr Allah 60/60/24/7.
The counselors of DV victims should teach them all the above, especially the victim who cannot leave home and go to a shelter. They need to be given more than, “Make du'a to Allah!” Prayer without action is like whistling in the wind! Give the action plan stated above! Insha'Allah, they will be okay!
The Muslim Ummah all around the world needs to FIGHT SHAITAN; everything stated here applies to all evil attacks of Shaitan not just DV. Study the ATTACKMENT and apply the information in your daily lives.
May Allah (SWT) bless each member of the Muslim Ummah with a life free of all violence including DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Ameen!
